The Burden of Being Obtuse

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There are weddings and then there are marriages. The difference you ask? There is a big one of course. Wedding is the party that entails expenditures totaling to thousands of Euros or lacs of Rupees. Marriage though, is what the real deal is. But yet noone talks about that. What is discussed is shopping-trousseau-clothes-jewels and things of the like. Kind of makes me wonder, isn’t this focus a tad bit myopic?

The number of times I have been asked “ how are the wedding preparations going” and the number of times I have shrugged in response, has psyched me out enough to write this apparently.  I thought it was only the Indian culture that was obsessed with nuptial planning but turns out, it’s the most of the civilized world.

"It is the preoccupation with possessions, more than anything else that prevents us from living freely and nobly.”

― Bertrand Russell

Truer words were not written, I’d say. Yet, we ensnare ourselves in this filigree of things that must be acquired before a marriage can take place. Gifts, clothes, precious stones to adorn oneself. Sometimes, this is acquired to appease the boys parents (as may be in India – in the form of dowry) and sometimes to  symbolize ones’ status in the society ( the more lavish the more sublimely you’re perceived). Yes the society expects that the worth of a family will be defined by how much money they spend on their wards wedding. And we fuel this grotesqueness. If you buy your son or daughter one diamond less, it doesn't mean you love them less. It means a) you are not sustaining the warped traditions of the society and b) you are also bringing to your ward a culture where material gains mean nothing- which is a world we want to live in. One parent my think that it is their duty to spend as much as they can, but this is a duty only if the ward is a spolit rich brat and wants Armani designed nightwear. The first situation I feel can’t be rationalized with. It required radical social and cultural changes, which is not the scope of this writing. However, it is the second form of ostentatiousness- conscious, voluntarily and pretentious that perhaps can be argued with and I guess dealt with through a forum such as this.

A marriage is not defined by the money spent on the wedding. A marriage is rather sustained by happy memories- trust and other such virtues. None of which are up for sale in a store.

Wearing silk and diamonds perhaps may bring momentary happiness, for a total of 10 minutes, it may dazzle the society, but then that sparkle fades. All that is left then is the heavy stone. The burden of being obtuse.