Inspiration from the Cosmos

The last few weeks have been particularly bereft of inspiration. Returning to Madrid after many days spent with family was always hard but never as difficult as this time around. With an article review decision pending somewhere, dangling near the horizon, and the thesis proposal being delayed for many months, I was losing all hope there was.

While commencing a PhD I never envisioned this day, where I would be fighting to stay afloat in more ways than one. I guess we never really see that far. But battles of motivation are fought everyday, by everyone. The frontiers differ, the weapons too. But the strife and angst is very real.

Usually I let these grey clouds of insipid and lackluster dejection pass by, waiting for the clear blue skies to show me the light. However this time around, the cosmos had something else in mind.

As I stumbled through Altdstadt in Nuremberg, the snow flurries floating in the air with a careless abandon then placing themselves delicately on the ground, I was empty. Not empty in a spiritual sense, but more in a cognitive overload fashion. As I walked slowly through narrow streets,  I saw a big book store, without the slightest hesitation, I entered and asked for the English section. Up I went, to the second floor and discovered an array of books after books. My mood lifted, and the haze of emptiness started to give way to an adrenaline rush. Needless to say, I bought several books-fiction, non-fiction, mysteries, and biographies. I felt I had met some long lost friends, and I couldn’t wait to embark on an adventure with all of them. Just as I was about to leave, I saw a little pistachio green book titled “ Inspiration for Writers”. I opened it, and the first quote I landed on, went like this: “Writing is the Geometry of the soul.” And in this little way, this tiny pistachio green colored book reminded me what was important to me. I devoured the book within minutes of purchasing it. My most memorable quote would have to be “…fill the paper with the breathings of your heart” –William Wordsworth. And this way, the universe told me, that there was something I believed in, and there was something greater than me.

Another instance close to the one narrated above also in the realm of books, inspired me, and got me going to stretch beyond my fatigued and mellow motivation. I had picked up the book Lean In by Sherly Sandberg, the COO of Facebook at the Frankfurt Central Station. I was skeptical at best about reading this book, but what it had in store for me, took me completely by surprise. In her book she talks of the startlingly skewed gender representation in upper echelons of management, and goes on to explain how psychological and socially we might be brining that about. I found myself nodding in agreement to so many instances, where I have pulled back or not behaved aggressively, as she rightly explains that women behaving in that very fashion tend to be perceived negatively. While a man being authoritative is deemed as him being true to his “role” or “position” or his nature even. A woman behaving in the same fashion is dubbed with expletives which usually have the adjective “iron”, “cold-hearted”, “mean” pre-fixed to them. Reading Ms. Sandberg’s research backed narrative gave me a much-needed motivation in terms of analyzing my own behavior and that of others around me.  Being recently married though, I do not see myself culling my career or sidetracking my professional and academic aspirations. Thankfully my husband respects that, and I know I will only respect myself when I can hold my own- be it in a city where he is or be it 1000 miles from where he is.  Ms. Sandberg’s books conveyed that only 4% of women expected that their partners would move to accommodate their relocation. Although this is an abysmal statistic, it made me want to try harder and not give up. The passion and gumption endowed in the tone of this book, makes me believe in my dreams and goals a bit more. It even rekindles my sleepy motivation and charges it to a new high by making me feel I belong to this community of young and independent woman, who are trying to battle this self-incriminating gender bias.

Finally, my third dose of inspiration came from chatting with a close family member today. In trying to solve an external problem, I realized an internal issue that needed sorting on my part which could be the very cure. This rendered me empowered, and in control. Although in reality, what I really need to learn is to let go in situations outside my control, but that’s another battle, for another day.  For motivations and its related minions, I am happy with the three doses that made their way to me- be in the form of an inspirational quote, a book from a powerful business woman or simple a moment of self-realization. So thank you dear Universe and its manifestation- my friends – my books. You always find me when I need you most.