What is the appropriate amount of time, after which you are
allowed to pause, look back on your life, and assess your life? We don’t have a
“Satisfaction with Life Scale” * being administered to us every week you see,
so must of us remain clueless until we choose to go back in time mentally to
one day in the past and compare our situation then and now. Of course some
people might do this by comparing lives with others and go down the rabbit hole
of Social Comparison, but those of us who compare between ourselves across two
points in time, it’s important to make the journey into our past.
10 years ago, fresh out of school, as I stood on the
threshold of an adult life and an embittered relationship, I had felt wise
beyond my years. The world was my oyster and the possibilities “out there”
thrilled me. I could do anything, be anyone, go anywhere.
I wouldn’t have been a true teenager if monsters of
conformity and social pressures hadn’t haunted me. Battling them of course, is
no easy task as many would tell you. Amidst this, as my family decided to
relocate to Guangzhou from Delhi, and China become may second home. I also
developed two identities akin to this twin-home dilemma. One part of me wanted to belong- be a
part of a group- where as another craved independence, wanderlust fairy dust
and carefree abandon. Being from a collectivist culture that dominates India’s
social fabric, the latter ostensibly misplaced desire for independence and
going solo, can get you many critics, yourself included. But one knows, that
when your heart desires what the others’ don’t approve of, remaining true to
yourself, maintaining integrity can be the hardest task of all. Right up there with
eating a skinned lizard, alive. Whole.
Ofcourse it helped my case that I had people all around me,
proving how following their dreams and letting of the collective well can be
liberating, literally and figuratively. As my parents set up their new home in
China, it became an annual summer retreat to visit the historic city of Canton,
and be reminded, that having your paradigms challenged constantly, makes you
even more resolute. “You’re Indian but you live in China?” being one example of
such endeavors by others to whom the inconsistencies seemed baffling. Why would
anyone leave India to stay in a country where they eat locusts and speak a
language that is such degrees of difficult that mastering it may require a
whole new life for a non-native speaker. But to me, these were glaring examples
of how one must do what he deems fit, to pursue his/her dream, even when it
doesn’t make any sense to others. As long as it makes sense to you , it’s your
dream after all.
Convincing people about your dream, may be another futile
endeavor, which I learnt the hard way. Endorsements are nice, but if they have
to be explained to be earned, then perhaps you need to steer clear of such
people in the first place.
Perhaps, as I sit here looking to the eastward sky alive
with the symphony of colors all pink and purple and orange and yellow, I am
reminded of how the last 10 years have been full of adventures, and challenged
paradigms. Now that I will no longer get to visit my summer home, it makes me
feel a tad nostalgic, but also fills my heart up for that 18 year old
fledgling, who knew nothing, but decided to embark on a journey that continues since
the last 10 years.
I can’t wait for the next 10.
* Satisfaction with Life Scale developed by Diener et al, 1985.
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