Moms and Mollycoddled Sons.

Men do have it easy, and even more so in India. Enabled with the warm embraces of their mothers entitled worldview, Indian men (disclaimer: for the most part) have been mollycoddled into being incompetent in ways of domestic life, and are unapologetic about it.

The drudgery of housework wreaks its havoc on all functioning adults, or rather should, sparing no gender. However how the housework has come to be a largely gendered activity is a lesson in sociology and worthy of a doctoral dissertation.

Having said that, there are definitely some recurring themes that prompt us in the direction of the role of mothers and how they raise their sons.

Boys  are often encouraged to play outside, and often for girls playtime is centred around household chores: pretend tea parties, “ghar-ghar”,and “let her knead the flour, cos she will enjoy it” narratives. Some naysayers may argue, that girls gravitate to these tasks naturally.  Err, perhaps. But mainly because they have seen their grandmothers and their mothers fussing over food and the dust bunnies in the house, while the men talk politics and debate over the new tax regulations. The segregation we face in India – and many other parts of the world – the gender-normal silos of male and female, boys and girls, ladke and ladkiyan, they become etched in us from an early age.  And by virtue of this knowledge we learn to emulate the family members similar to our gender – boys mirror their fathers, and girls their mothers.

However, it does not end there. Boys are often revered in India – the valiant son, the protector, the provider, the propagator of the family name. So much so, their very existence is considered a blessing. And no, don’t get me wrong, it does not happen consciously, our society structures have been built in a way which enables a boy and his family to be endowed with confidence : physical prowess, financial prowess, and entitlement that accompanies it. Shit loads of it.

By virtue of not having to shoulder domestic responsibilities while growing up–because they have been handed off to the sister or dotingly performed by the mother­­–men are rendered useless in the face of being responsible for running a house. 

There is a corollary to this as well - which is women are socialised to think that a clean and a beautiful house is a verdict on their competence and value as a woman. But that discussion is for another day.